Challenging months

“There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I’m stubborn in the things I believe…”
-Corinne May, “Everything in its time, 2005″

holding onto things unseen, in matters not yet realized.

 

Dear God.

Today I came to God; and asked him point blankly.

Am I still his child?
Am I still loved by him?

~no answer~

WHY? I remember all your promises to me..

I lamented at the circumstances that you’ve allowed in my life.
Are my physical pains and impairments necessary?
I attempt to train my body into shape; it breaks down by step 2.

I learnt contentment & joy in most work circumstances; 
today’s lesson turns to living with an insecure employment destiny..
it makes all the investments and efforts sowed seem meaningless

.. Abba father… do you hear me?

I don’t understand why, how.. the mind fails to comprehend
my heart is desperate more of your presence.
my spirit calls me to have faith.

 .. I seek my solace in the book of JOB.

 

Riches

Cash in the bank i’ve not, laden with assets that depreciate in each passing day..

Investments struggle to pay-out.. stable income at risk.

I love my job. I try harder each day, but am I simply just blindly soldiering on with little chances to be a turnaround success?

I workout, watch my diet to stay healthy, and be a better friend; one or two incidents is all it takes to return to square one or worst.

In pain, each day, hour, minute has taken its toll. Health is richness; sleep is a blessing.  

Neither I’ve.

One day, may it all be revealed to me.

 

Coming out of the closet

Its time to step out of the closet.

To be real and simple.

Maybe its simply because my mind is so saturated now ..

work and academia …

and no-one .

Tired of the regular questions why I’m still single or having meals alone.. I had my share of  various theories & excuses baited around. Enough.

Its all me.

Not over-shadowed about lofty standards or the depths of insecurity that I impress my ladies with.

Simply..

..in relationships..

I’m dead skeptical about it.

 

Moving forward

Sometimes, to move forward, it may require to take a few steps back. One of the best example I can think of is Tiger Woods, he re-worked his golf swing even though he was a multiple Major winner. 

I’ve a strong sense in my spirit that I’ve reached this cross-road in my life. I’ve to go back to re-master the basics, to equip myself better for the long haul. I’ve been side-track enough in my personal life that at times, as I’ve my meals alone; I wonder.. what the hell is happening?

To move forward in the various aspects of my life; it requires a keener eye, a discerning heart and courage to chart and make dramatic changes necessary in my perspectives, attitude and how I approach things. It is rather ironic that I’m now working in a sports company; and I am probably in one of the poorer physical shape.

So what it takes, I must not give excuse to shy away, back-down or accept status quo. I know myself; being safe and take things easy doesn’t work for me. 

Gotta train for a  stronger body, bigger heart and step up to the next level.

 

Critically Examin

Inspired by the bi-monthly British  exams, I reflect the recent spate of my life with the famous one-liner question,” Critically examin…”

Critically examin …

1. your overall satisfaction with life
2. the success of resolutions made this year
3. what you’ve done well this year
4. what you wish you can do better
5. what needs to be done to reach those goals

~ First up. The big picture question. Overall satisfaction.  

If I’ve to give a grade for my past year’s performance, it would be a C+. Why? 

Becoz like my exam results, there are days when I simply nail things down, achieve and could afford to give myself a pat on my back.

Then there are those groundhog days, when nothing seems to go right. And it ain’t about  ”poor/pity  me syndrome”. Neither am I laying the responsibilities on others; but surely the dread of being caught in circumstances could resonate with you. Screwing up or getting caught in lose-lose situation conflicts are like a must to build personal character and integrity. 

Life is a journey. A long journey at that… Between this lifetime and eternity, the mere troubles of each day seems so miniscule.  Taking cue from of my personal favorite movie; ”  The Pursuit of Happyness” seems very apt to relate to my general satisfaction. 

I call this stage of my life journey ~ TRAINING. Training to be a better person; socially, emotionally, personally, character and of course professionally.

Training to be better… Better balance socially, making new friends; investing in relationships; learning new skills; producing quality work; achieving lifelong goals.. etc etc..

Now before I get branded as simply a go-getter, (which I don’t think I’ve done enough to earn that tag,) I personally believe that there is more to life than achievements. Life isn’t just about attaining goals and maximizing life’s endless opportunities.  

I’m personally reaping what i sow in relationships. I invested next to nothing; hence I’ve no one to blame for having little emotional support; thank goodness for  3 confidants that I don’t honest deserve in my life. 

On our death-bed, we can never bring our achievements anywhere. Maybe our achievements might grant us a comfortable death or a glorious funeral, but bottom-line; WE DIE naked and with no possessions. Shouldn’t we then consider matters that could impact beyond our lifetime? I believe we all need to give back to society, to support one another and to leave a legacy that will inspire the generations after us.

In totality, I see a silver lining up ahead. Training is never fun. Mistakes and frustration seems to be so inter-laced; falling down, distractions are almost a certainty.  

But in the end, it will all be alright. If its not alright, then its not the end.

Sounds almost too good to be true eh? Well, it most probably is by my own strength.

Let’s see how things unfold.

 

Observing the evolution of FRIENDSHIP

With the latest craze of social networking sites such as Friendster, myspace and facebook not just hitting the news in the financial section of the newspaper, but becoming being the talk of many conversations these days; I’m dedicating this entry to this hypothetical question~ “In the new age of making friends,, is this generation able to value friendship BETTER than the predecessors?”

As part of generation X, I’m..uncertain. Sandwiched between the baby boomers and D’generation Y’s, comparatively, I belong to the least distinctive group.

In my observation of the Baby Boomer generations, they are more individualistic in their approach of friendships. They often befriend people through a certain social or cultural gathering and therefore, you would see smaller social circles but tightly-nitted groups. I marvel at how my parents would still meet up with the same bunch of friends, for over 30 years regularly. Friendships that seem ageless, transcending fashionable big hair in the 80s to the thinning grey hair in their millennium years. I guess the general vibe I have indicates that friendships forge are generally based on a sense of familiarity and pleasure.

On the other hand, my younger siblings are from generation Y. Their mentality towards friendships seems to be directly opposite of another. They celebrate and enjoy winning in teams and groups. They make friends easily, through their immediate social networks or event through broad based media. But do their friendship last… hmm, maybe its too early to tell. But one thing that is pretty distinctive about this generation observed, lies in the fact this generation, befriends people based on individuality, for who the person is, irregardless of gender, age, race, social class or even preference.

Now, where does it leave the Generation Xs ? Are we simply the middle of both generations, sharing characteristics of both, with no distinctive identity to call our own? Well, I must recognize that many generation Xs reflect values from the Baby Boomers and remain highly influential over the values of Generation Ys; but we too are also in a class of our own. Generation Xs are distinctive in that we are a transitional generation.

Being transitional relates to how we make friends. By large, we’re the most practical generation. We’ve without doubt the highest percentage of ‘utility friends’. We form study groups cause we know its better to study with someone who can help us achieve better grades. We go out with people that we can learn something from, or at the very least, give us a free ride home… We often go out in groups, but only because  its more enjoyable to do so. No-one likes to have meals alone, or watch movies with me, myself and I. Therefore, quite often or not, I’m no longer amused at how people would forgo friendship for things that they value more when the opportunity presents itself. Now, I don’t believe there is any social or psychological ills in making ‘utility friends’, but we must recognize that many of us make friends because these friends are of value to us. Even on facebook,  there is the sub-conscious issue of having 110 friends instead of  20 close buddies.

Reading today’s commentary on the utility-based friendship in Straits Time’s “Mind Your Body” gives practical advise for the pragmatics out there who are struggling with the quality of friendships available.

So before the next ’super-poke’ comes at you, wonder with me, could the quality of friendships around you be improved?